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literature
Ashes
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Literature Text
I'll drink some gasoline,
Then you can set me aflame.
Because holding my ashes,
Is easier than holding my frame.
Then you can set me aflame.
Because holding my ashes,
Is easier than holding my frame.
Comments10
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so much said in four lines. 
excellent job.
i especially like the way the child-like musicality of the verses contrasts with the seriousness of the subject.
-->a suggestion, if you're open to it: the word "aflame" took me out of the poem because it is such an old-sounding word and the rest of the piece is written in a modern-day, conversational tone (one big hint was the use of "gasoline." so, something feels anachronistic here.) Still, I like the end-rhyme of "flame" and "frame." I think there is a way to work that second line while preserving the meter and the end rhyme, but removing the "old-timey" feel of "aflame."
anyway, enough jabber from me. i'm off to go check out the rest of your stuff! please, carry on!
excellent job.
i especially like the way the child-like musicality of the verses contrasts with the seriousness of the subject.
-->a suggestion, if you're open to it: the word "aflame" took me out of the poem because it is such an old-sounding word and the rest of the piece is written in a modern-day, conversational tone (one big hint was the use of "gasoline." so, something feels anachronistic here.) Still, I like the end-rhyme of "flame" and "frame." I think there is a way to work that second line while preserving the meter and the end rhyme, but removing the "old-timey" feel of "aflame."
anyway, enough jabber from me. i'm off to go check out the rest of your stuff! please, carry on!